


Face the Road Ahead

by Secret Staircase (elwing_alcyone)



Category: Zero | Project Zero | Fatal Frame Series
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Game(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-07 04:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12832947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elwing_alcyone/pseuds/Secret%20Staircase
Summary: Kei and Mio's visit to the Minakami Dam; Mio tries to make sense of Mayu's death.





	Face the Road Ahead

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the BCL Christmas Exchange 2015.

If Mio gave him the chance, Kei would ask if she was sure she wanted to do this now. He'd say waiting was okay; it was okay to say, 'Not yet,' and they'd come back when she was ready. And if he said that, she'd admit she wasn't ready, and they'd leave. She'd spend the rest of her life thinking she might be ready in a week, in a month, in a year.

So before he could speak, she unsnapped her seatbelt, opened the car door and got out.

The day was clear and unseasonably warm, though the warmth would vanish with the sun. After today she might never see another forest if she didn't want to; she could stay in the city, surrounded by everything bright and modern. But today the forest was beautiful. It surprised her to discover she could still appreciate that.

She walked slowly, aware of Kei hurrying to catch up. Even when she was alone, she walked slowly. She didn't want it to be as if Mayu's death had freed her from something.

In spite of everything, she hadn't thought what it would mean for the valley to be flooded. She'd been expecting to follow the old path down into some dark, green grove, to a pool stretching away into shadow and half hidden by trees. Instead, after a little way, they stepped out into the glare reflected from a vast expanse of sun-beaten water. Shading her eyes, Mio saw benches at intervals along the bank, the new wood still gleaming, and a board for tourists with information about the dam. They weren't even the only people there; a little further down the path, a group of retired people dressed for walking called out a cheerful hello.

Kei retreated to a tactful distance, pretending to take a great interest in the tourist information while Mio sat down on one of the benches. He needn't have. It was all so ordinary, her apprehension seemed foolish. There was nothing to fear in this bright, open space. Everything was carefully managed, mapped, tamed. You could hear the cars passing on the other side of the valley.

She had been so sure there would be some malevolent influence, some echo of a nightmare, something that would allow her to cling to the shadow of self-blame. Without it, she had no idea how to feel. Relief was too uncomplicated. It was as if she had offered herself for a just punishment, and had been forgiven instead.

Kei came to her side, and sat down. She thought he'd try to wait her out in silence. People had been trying that ever since she'd been found alone. It hadn't worked. The only person she'd ever wanted to confide in was Mayu, and without her, she didn't mind staying silent.

But Kei surprised her. He said, "There were some books in the Manor of Sleep. I think you must have put them there. How much do you remember?"

Mio didn't answer.

"Well, to make a long story short, they were about a ritual, something so horrible even the practitioners didn't want to name it. Human sacrifice, maybe. A few weeks ago I wouldn't have believed something like that ever happened in Japan."

Mio didn't answer, but Kei didn't seem to be waiting for her any more.

"I didn't understand why you wouldn't talk to me about what had happened," he went on. When she glanced up at him, he was looking out at the water, his expression grave. "But if you'd told me then, I don't think I would have been equipped to believe you. Now, though..."

He looked at her, and for the first time, she wondered what he'd gone through in his dreams, and how bad it had been.

"I've seen things that don't fit into any world I know," he said. "I'm trying to make sense of it all, but some of it — if it were just ghosts and magic cameras, that would be one thing. But it's inside me, too. There were times I felt I didn't know myself, or what I was capable of. I felt as if I wasn't controlling my own actions; I was just a substitute, acting out someone else's destiny." He smiled then, surprising her. "Remember when you were — oh, I don't know, five or so? Not long before Mayu's accident. We went to an amusement park and you two went on the carousel, and then you started crying because you wanted to get off and it didn't stop? Mayu started first, then you. I think your mother still has a picture of the two of you up on the horses, bawling your eyes out."

"She does, she used to threaten to show it to our husbands one day," Mio said, and laughed. "We didn't get to go on any rides after that, not even the flying chairs, so you gave us half your candy."

"Did I? I'm surprised I was so generous at that age." He shook his head. "I know it's not a good example, but I think a curse can be like that. One moment it's just a curiosity, something to investigate, and then it starts moving and you're caught. You can't make it stop. You just have to hope it plays itself out before anyone gets hurt."

Now she felt him looking at her, and she couldn't meet his eyes. He already knew what she'd done; there was no point leaving it unsaid, except... except she'd have to be honest about everything. Even the one thing she'd hardly been able to admit, even to herself.

The worst thing wasn't that she had killed her sister. If that had been all, well, she could blame and hate and punish herself enough for anyone; she had been practising since they were children, hadn't she? It was much, much easier to accept the responsibility for some terrible sin than to acknowledge that Mayu — that Mayu might have...

"She wanted me to," Mio heard herself say. Kei was watching her intently now, not saying a word, and she could only look down at her hands. She remembered Mayu guiding them down to her throat, where the pulse waited to be crushed.

"I don't know how much of it was her," she said. "Everything was so muddled; I don't remember much. I know we weren't ourselves. But..."

The sun had swung around behind the trees, throwing a shadow over them, and she shivered with the sudden cold. She couldn't think how to say it so he would understand.

"I would never hurt Mayu," she said finally. "I know that it was the ghosts, using me. But I still feel like it was my fault for not... convincing her."

"Of what?"

"That I wanted us to stay together. Forever. We promised we would, but I don't think she ever believed me. I wish I could have found a way to show her I meant it."

The moment felt so close now. Her hands on Mayu's neck, feeling the life just below the surface; Mayu drawing her in and whispering in her ear. She still heard those words, on the edge of sleep. If she had only stopped — if she had only realised what it would mean —

And she understood it then. If she had stopped, then Mayu would be alive. But they'd be apart. There would always be something between them: _I asked you to do this one thing for me, and you refused._ It didn't matter that she would have done anything, anything at all, anything but that; but it did matter, of course it did. That was the crux of the ritual. How could they be truly together, if there was even one thing she wouldn't do for Mayu's sake?

"Mio?" Kei said. His hand was on her shoulder. "Are you all right?"

She thought she must be crying at last, but her eyes were dry. Without the sun's glare, the water was transparent. She could see down past the drowning trees. Just where visibility ran out, she thought there was a path, winding down into a dark valley. But she no longer thought that Mayu would be there, if she followed. Mayu was with her.

She took a deep breath. "Can I see the picture again?"

Kei had it inside his notebook, where it wouldn't crease. He'd promised she could have it, as soon as they got home. She was afraid of damaging it somehow, but very lightly, with just the tip of her finger, she touched the image of the girl who'd been standing behind her.

The ritual was supposed to make them one. Ever since Mayu had died, she'd been trying to feel her presence. All she'd felt was alone. But the things that were a part of you were always the ones you were least aware of.

"I think I'll be okay now," she said at last, handing the picture back. "There were some things I didn't understand before. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you."

He was already shaking his head before she could finish the sentence. "I don't want to hear you saying 'I'm sorry' again, all right? I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to be happy."

She considered that, looking out over the water. She tried to find the underwater path again, but if it had been there before, she had lost it now. She could hear cars and cicadas and human voices, all the sounds of life. Happy didn't seem impossible.

"It might be a long time from now," she said. "But I'll work on it."

Kei patted her hand. "That's good enough for me. Are you ready to go home?"

She was.


End file.
